Creating through the soul = moving through the drudgery


Today was hard from the start. I couldn't wake up to my alarm at my usual time as I have been so exhausted this week.  Jake and I toyed with the idea of taking a weekend break somewhere, but it worried us too much about our finances, so we needed to completely bin the idea.   I am sacraficing a lot in terms of money and travel in order to make room for more of what drives me and what I am passionate about.  So while I want a trip to recallibrate, I need to just find a way to recallibrate here, in my home, without spending money. As I finished my daily yoga practice (my first way of recallibrating without going anywhere!) in savasana I then just started to cry. I had meditated and drew in a lot of positive energy for the day but i ALSO clearly released a lot of stuff that just made me cry. Largely for my thoughts around my sacrafices and what I have needed to change and give up in order to bring in more of what I aspire for and to keep me on my path with my passions.  I am not in a bad place, I have nothing to complain about and everything to be grateful for. But I will be honest here and say that yes I have emotions that need to be released and I know that this is ok. Even though in the scheme of things, everything IS okay.  I just have these moments of fear and doubt that I think everyone has, and it is about working throught them.

It was a new moon yesterday so I actually had high expectations this week for feeling light and NEW. No, not what I have been feeling yet. I have felt an overwhelming surge of fear about the unknown AND the known. They go hand in hand as I am apprehensive  a little fearful about what I see the year unfolding as - because with all that I know about it, there is SO MUCH unknown. I have new adventures unfolding and journeys I am just starting on, so it is bloody overwhelming.  Evidently all my talk about patience and trusting in where you are right NOW has been forgotten. It is so true about practising what you preach and of course I am only sharing what I HAVE been practising but sometimes it is bloody hard.  This dense energy I am feeling is for sure linked to the moon's energy and my own star sign.  Unusually there has been a lot of POSITIVE talk about this new moon and all its newness but I have come into this week feeling more overwhelmed by these vibes more than anything.

What has helped me is that I read an amazing Animoon Reading from Sarah Wilder of The Fifth Element.  She pulled the Goat card which has already helped me work through today and shift my energy into good use.

A talk with my mum also raised the point that I am going to run with this week:

Use your fear to fuel you, and it will not burn you.

Maryanne Torok